Friday, July 9, 2010

Delving into the Ungnown - Janiel

July Challenge - Starting a Blog

I have a little gnome that marches around my head whenever I leap into a creative endeavor – whether it be writing and performing, or figuring out how to cut my child’s sandwich into interesting enough shapes that he won’t notice the shredded zucchini I mixed into the peanut butter. And that gnome is the gnome of Self-Doubt. I like to call him: (Dun, Dun, Dun!) Darkspume. The Gnome of Despair that Plays the Bagpipes of Dooooom.

Yeah, I know. It’s a bit melodramatic. But I like to embrace my gnomes. Give them names. Feed them croissants. Make pets out of them. It’s a co-dependency thing and I’m working to stop it. But my gnomes like to do their time before I send them away, and who am I to stop them?

I’m the chick in charge, that’s who I am. Self-doubt runs entirely on the gasoline (or croissant) of me comparing myself to others. Is the other person the standard? Am I good enough? Is my writing (singing, dancing, peanut-buttering) as inspiring, deep, moving, funny as theirs? Is it? Maybe it’s not. Or, hey, maybe it is. Maybe my zucchini is shinier, greener, and of a finer shred than theirs. Or not.

And in the end, all of that spume-y self-doubt just keeps me from being able to:

a)    a) create with joy and freedom
b)    b) enjoy the creations of others
c)    c) and who wants that?

Which brings me to my personal reason for participating in this blog. I want to sit amidst the writing talent of my friends and the comments of their friends and just enjoy it. I want to follow suggestions and links into other peoples’ spheres of creativity and watch and learn. I’d like to contribute in a nice healthy way, and in the process take Darkspume’s Bagpipes of Doom, wrap them around his scrawny throat, and stuff the whole wad of despair into a blast of creative sunshine that will make him sing “It’s a Small World After All.” With a Scottish accent.

So if you’re game to hang out with me (and my friends) and go through the process of de-gnoming my writing and living garden, I’m game to have you. I hope you like peanut-butter-zucchini sandwiches.


indiana weaver said...

So this reminds me a lot of the Censor that Julia Cameron talks about in The Artist's Way. Once upon a time, when I was leading one of those classes, one of my fellow-travelers named hers Maleficent - like the evil Disney character. Then she bought a Maleficent pin and talked back to it. Very clever - and it worked, too.

Kurt said...

You know, that gnome of self-doubt is actually a lawn ornament.

Janiel Miller said...

That is a great idea, Rob! Remember the little Fire Fairy pin you sent me? Wonder if you could come up with gnome-pins . . . :) I'd totally buy one from you.

Megan said...

I think one of the best things about reading all of this is imagining it in your voice. Perfect.

Bagpipe Gnome Darkspume won't know what hit him.

Jo said...

Please, oh please can I hear him sing "It's a Small World" in a Scottish accent? LOVE THAT!

Janiel Miller said...

Kurt, who knew you were into lawn ornaments? Now I know what to get you for Christmas . . .

Jo, come by when the Gnome Slayers are having a writing/lunch session together. We'll all sing it to you in various accents.