Friday, July 16, 2010

The Many Uses of Duct Tape

I am a stay at home mom. Stop yawning and listen to me, because I need to tell you that it is more complicated than it looks. I used to have the big fat job and the big fat paycheck and the big fat perks that included traveling, a company credit card, car, phone and cash advance. Oh yeah. It was real. And I was more than cool. But I gave all that up to raise my children. Yes, it was noble, it was a sacrifice, and yada yada. That’s not my point.

Being a SAHM has been the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. I won’t go into all the reasons why, because if you’ve read any of the multitudinous mommy-blogs, or listened to daytime talk shows, or talked to pretty much any woman who has ever popped out a little pipper, you’ve heard it all. And yes it is rewarding, and you can ask my kids later if it was worth it. When they’re all changing the world.

My point is, being a mom means executing a balancing act to rival the Cirque du Soleil, Lune, and √Čtoile, put together. (If you don’t speak French, neither do I. But I do speak Online Translator. You can too.) Motherhood is an act that can involve, on any given day: trying to figure out how to run child A to soccer, while taking child B to percussion, then getting back to child A’s game in time to watch the Beckham-esque goal kick that turns the second half around, then taking just a sec to snatch child C from play-group, feed child D, run back to B and take to B to B’s soccer game, then run home because you forgot B’s shin-guards and B can’t play without them and since B lives in the shadow of A, B has to have the opportunity to score a goal kick with a backflip to out-do A, and then remember that C hasn’t eaten either and though you wouldn’t feed a goat the cholesterol-encrusted-glow-in-the-dark local fast food, you grab some for C, change D’s clothes because D just dumped C’s SuperChocoFreezcicle down D’s-self . . . .I’m sorry. What was I talking about?

Duct-Tape! That’s it. I can’t write without it. It’s the only way to keep my children in one place long enough to actually get a few words onto the page. And honestly, I do let the kids down when they need a drink of water, and I’m awfully good at not ripping off arm hairs in the process.  Not to mention, Duct-tape comes in such an array of colors now that my children just blend right into the walls. Gno problem.


Judy said...

I LOVE THIS BLOG!!! ALL of you are wonderful!! Thanks so much for sharing your talents and wit. So needed on a daily basis!

Bill Roberts said...

As Bugs Bunny said to Elmer Fudd: "What's up, Duct?"

Ca.ll.y said...

I sooooo hear you. So.

Janiel Miller said...

Bill, you pretty much need to be a regular on here. You are so punny. :)

Janiel Miller said...

Cally, we all hear each other, babes. Its a vast Sisterhood of the Traveling Duct-Tape.

indiana weaver said...

Yes. Unequivocally.