I've got a psyche-kicking sensei who, each time I see him, says something that makes me realign my life-approach-lenses. And not only that but the dude knows his Seattle restaurants. Last time I went up there to visit and sing with him (and my brother) I came back filled with excellent Greek food (there were these bacon-wrapped dates . . . ) and a desire to do good in the world. To just generally cheer the whole place up.
Then "The Routine" broke loose all over me, and in between piles of laundry, running kids everywhere, trying to write a book and post on several blogs, getting child #1 ready to head off to college and trying not to weep all over her every time we experienced her Last-Road-Trip-With-The-Family, Last-Meal-Out-With-The-Family, Last-Sock-Folding-Marathon-With-The-Family, I realized I couldn't tell if I was making any difference at all. Except with the laundry. I said so on my Facebook wall (also sometimes known as the "Wailing Wall.") I wondered if the doing mattered more than the results. And this is what dear Sensei said back:
"The doing is ALL we can do. Where the result lies is in the hands of a far greater force. If we are satisfied with the doing, the results stand a better chance of being positive. Plant the seed and water it. The rest is not up to you. Sing the song with all your heart as if you will never get to sing again. The hearing is not for your ears."-- Mark Andersen
Ahhh. And Grasshopper experienced much peace. So we put it out there with the intent to do good, and we let the greater forces - whatever we believe in, be it God, Karma, the Universe or the Muse - take it and run with it. Or take it and walk with it. Or take it and think about it. And it's okay.
Now if I can just release my death-grip on it all - including my oldest child - it might just have a chance to get out there and grow.