Excuse me, but where did summer go? Time is speeding up, I swear. I think it must be that the world is rotating faster. I do. (Which, by the way, is probably responsible for global warming. Friction, you know?) I mean, how else do you explain this phenomenon: "School?! It can't be time to go back to school!" "We didn't do enough!" "I didn't get to play with all of my friends!" "I didn't get a job!" "We didn't go on enough vacations!" "Or any!" "No way! I am not going back to school."
My kids feel seriously ripped-off, so I would like to talk to whichever physicist is responsible for this Earth-rotation-acceleration-thing. You know it is the physicists. It's always the physicists. They're the ones who give all the dire news, and spout all the formulas, theorems, and postulates (not to be confused with postulants. Wouldn't that be interesting, though? A monastery for scientists? Can you imagine the Gregorian Chants coming out of that place: Scientus Nerdus Bigbangeeeummm. Multi Degree Superiummmm)
Anyway, it has to stop. I've got a kid already going to college, for Pete's sake, and she just finished Kindergarten. Not to mention I'm still pregnant with my last child, even though he's eight. And the two middle ones haven't even learned to ride bikes or do double-digit math. At least it seems that way. I am so not prepared for them to get this much older this fast. And so, to Mr. Stephen Hawking I'd just like to say:
(who, the way things are going, may be writing this from beyond the grave)