Friday, November 12, 2010

Destructive Business Plan of Destruction. Compiled by Angus Darkspume, Fangxiety, and BadKarma, Esq. - Gnomes of Despair

Minutes from General Board Meeting of the Gnomes of Despair
Recorder: Willy Wussybottom, Gnomlet of General Uneasiness

  1. It has come to the attention of the Gnomes of Despair (hereinafter referred to as the Gns. of D.) that writers Maegan, Janiel, and Russo have slipped under the radar of said Gns. of D. and have managed to gather 52 followers to their "blog" of "writing". (Let it be noted that Gnome Darkspume disparaged any notion that what goes on on said "blog" could actually be confused with "writing.")
  2. The Gns. of D. suggest that the only reason the "Gnomeslayers," as they like to call themselves (let it be noted that Gnome BadKarma guffawed into his gnome-tea at this absurd self-stylization, spraying Gnome Fangxiety with the slimy stuff, necessitating Gnome Fangxiety's departure to shower and prevent any contamination to his person) . . where was I? Oh yes, the Gns. of D. suggest that the only reason the "Gnomeslayers" have managed to garner 52 followers is because they are cute, and not because of any actual talent.
  3. Gnome Darkspume protests the use of the word "cute." "Special Spirits" (hereinafter referred to as Spec. Spits.) is suggested as a replacement reference. Is voted on and accepted.
  4. Suggestions are accepted on how to stop the Spec. Spits. from garnering a larger fan base. The following Destructive Business Plan of Destruction is voted upon, a referendum passed, and the meeting adjourned in time for the Gnomes of Despair to conduct their weekly "Glee" viewing party:
  • Sabotage Gnomes blog with flashing clipart images of glittering paranormal creatures.
  • Hack into the URL and redirect visitors of the Gnomes blog to Parishilton.com.
  • Hack into Gnomes blog and delete all references to Viggo Mortenson.
  • Place subliminal messages of despair on blog in the form of sound files recorded at canine frequencies with messages such as: "Oh yeah? Well you STINK!" and "You're NOT CUTE!"
  • So let it be written, so let it be done.
Minutes brought to you by the Coalition of Despair Against Successful Writers And Purveyors of Creativity. Scribed by Willy Wussybottom. Copies available upon request.


Russo said...

Oh my goodness, I love this post. Darkspume returns :) Spec. Spits.) is my fave

Maegan Langer said...

Well girls, if the Gnomes are this spooked we must be doing something right!

Janiel Miller said...