Monday, January 31, 2011

Dear St. Valentine: Shut Up.

February Challenge: Eh. The title speaks for itself.

Dear St. Valentine,

I'm writing this letter with a Valentine's Day-themed TV movie playing in the background. The only three-dimensional character is Jennifer Love Hewitt's freakishly long false eyelashes. (Don't get too close to the screen - those things'll put your eye out.)(Okay, maybe not the only three-dimensional character. Betty White is always adorable.) This has only solidified my opinion of you, St. Valentine.

You're super lame.

I could go on about my theory that your holiday is really a nefarious conspiracy between the candy, flower, greeting card and jewelry industries to rip off the American public . . . But I wouldn't want anyone to think me bitter. Instead, I'll talk about your less-warm-and-fuzzy counterpart, St. Dwynwen. If you've read this blog before, Valentine, you may have guessed that I'm a tiny bit obsessed with all things Welsh. Dydd Santes Dwynwen, or St. Dwynwen's Day, is all about the patron saint of Welsh lovers. Side note: she's also the patron saint of sick animals, which is just fine with me.

Dwynwen was one of King Brychan Brycheiniog's (say that five times fast) twenty-four daughters. She fell hard for a guy called Maelon Dafrodil, but for some reason (the stories differ) it didn't work out. Personally, I think she realized she could never respect a man with a name that sounded like "daffodil." After they broke up, she fled to the woods, where she prayed to forget her daffodil prince. An angel appeared to her with a magic potion that - get ready, ladies - turned Maelon into ice when Dwynwen drank it. Poetic, no?

Know what else I like about love in Wales? The spoons.

Behold, my meager stash of Welsh love spoons. The one on the right is carved from lime wood. I bought it at the National Eisteddfod last summer. (Ooh, I bet you'd like to know just what in the world eisteddfod means, right? That's another post for another day, but if you can't possibly contain yourself until then, try googling it.)

Sooooo, I think we've established that I'm not much for your standard tokens of affection, i.e. flowers, etc. But if anyone happens to be curious about how to win me over, I'd like to build up my love spoon collection. Just sayin.' Or, you know, chocolate is always good.
*Clears throat*

To show you there's no hard feelings, I'm including one sappy love song that I actually like:

Yours in reluctant tolerance,

Maegan, Gnome Slayer Extraordinaire


Robin said...

The sole purpose of Valentine's Day should be to sit and listen to Ella and Louis all day long.


Donna Banta said...

Yeah, I'm more of a Halloween fan.

Janiel Miller said...

Okay, those spoons are totally cool. I imagine we'd have to go to Wales to get you some? Dang. I hate it when I have to go to Wales.

Thanks for the fairy tale. And with Ella and Louis, my month is complete.

Maegan Langer said...

Not all the way to Wales. I got the spoon on the left in Canada :)

Yeah, there are a couple of versions of that song that I like (Zooey Deschanel, anyone?), but ultimately I had to go with Ella and Louis - you can't beat them for class.

Donna, you're a woman after my own heart. Halloween is the best day of my year!

jjsundevil said...

Miss Maegan you had me @ Jennifer Loves freakish eyelashes
Me and Russo couldnt stop gigling bout them.

Russo said...

Hey Maegan, its 7:20 am and I just got a text from James. He wanted to know if i read your Valentine's post. Go girl, you inspired a self proclaimed lazy slug to get their butt outta bed. That deserves an award.

jjsundevil said...

Thats mr lazy slug to you russo
I gots to find those spoons maegan

janiel my wrist is 7 1/2 tahnk you so much

Janiel Miller said...

Hey James! Do I get to call you Mr. Lazy Slug too, or is that reserved for Russo?

Thanks for the measurement. I'll finish it, then we'll need to make sure it fits how you want it.

Ari2525 said...

what a sweet song, I blared the youtube video while I scrubbing the dishes, not really into music from the past but this was romantic, thanks for super shining my day.

Maegan Langer said...

Oh my gosh - those eyelashes were like, alive! I'm glad I was able to help motivate you to get out of bed, Russo. Now if I could only motivate MYSELF to get up at a useful hour . . .

Glad you liked the song, Ari. You might also like Louis Armstrong's version of "La Vie En Rose." Shouldn't be hard to find on youtube.

scott.densley said...

Brandis won't shut up about those spoons. Id use em in my chili.

Maegan Langer said...

Haaa haaaa! Well, now you know what to get her for Valentine's Day ;)