Oh my GOSH! Oh my FREAKING Gosh! I totally LOVE Taylor Lautner! He’s such a man-child (pant, pant)! I mean can you totally believe his biseps? You can’t really see them through his shirt, but you just KNOW they are there, right? He’s just sitting there flexing, like the wolfy-babe he is.
Can you even imagine? I mean like, what if you were just walking along minding you’re bisness, like at the mall, right? Like at DEB’s or Charlotte Russe, or some other classy store like that, and Taylor Lautner came up to you and totally asked to borrow your cell phone. I mean you’d like totally LET HIM, right?
And he’d be all, “Hey babe, nice rinestones. Pink is my fave.” And then he’d like dial 911, BECAUSE I WOULD OF PAST-OUT RIGHT THEIR AT HIS FEET! And he’d have to do mouth2mouth and I’d totally grab on and not let go and then he’d be in love with me and I’d be in love with him and he’d be all, "Hey babe, be in my next Twi-movie!"
Then I’d be his love interest, Except Kristen Stewart already is (UNLESS I OFF HER! jk.) So that would just leave the weirdness Jacob ends up with in Breaking Dawn, which is like, that little cracked-out vampire baby of Edward (ew) and Bella (snark). And that’s just 2 strange, yeah?
So, maybe I’d like, invent a whole new caracter, right? And I’d totally take over the movie and the director would love me and he’d say, “Whatev. Kristen, babe, Get out. I’m all about this Janiel chick now. It’s TEAM JANIELANDJACOB, wenches!”
Yeah. Sigh. That’s what I’m pretty sure would happen if I ever ran into Taylor Lautner, AKA my future husband and pool boy. And then we’d have little wolf babies and name them all TayJan.
Slap him some ICE, girls, cuz that boy is a hottie-potottie! Mr. Hottie Hott Hott! Hott-House Hunkiewunkie! Hunka Hunka BURNIN’ luv. 2 Hott 2 B 4-Gotten! Hott to Trott to the Spott on my Yacht! (sorry. I’m not good at peotry. I was going to say “Hott to Trott to the Spott in my Heartt, but like, that doesn’t rime, right? And “Clott” just sounds bad.)
Oh. And by the way . . .
Today is like, April 1st.
I KNOW, RIGHT?