Friday, May 20, 2011

This Is Totally Scary, Guys.

Oh. My. Gosh.
You guys. You GUYS!

I think my husband is stalking me.

I think he is totally reading this blog and, like, stalking me. Remember our February Challenge of the Month this year, "Dear Saint Valentine: Shut Up"? WELL, check this out. And I quote:

"I've survived a lot. I'm pretty sure the boy with the crush (meaning my husband) needs to get me a twenty pound box of Mrs. S's chocolates and a trip to Ireland this year. For his Valentine gift? He can come with me if he'd like. I might even kiss him."

Dudes. Are you ready for this? The boy with the crush took me to Ireland 2 weeks ago! I am not even joking. If that isn't evidence that I am being stalked, I don't know what is. And I've gotta tell you, I am completely freaked out. I mean, what else might he do? I've gotta think back about things I've said on here and prepare myself for when he tries to make them happen. I mean, it's possible, right? I'm not irrational here. People totally do things like this in marriage. Why, oh why did I think that nothing like this could ever happen to me? 

How freaky is this? WE'RE IN IRELAND TOGETHER!
Maybe I'm wrong, you know? Maybe he's not stalking me. I mean, maybe he just likes me or something. But wait! No. Today he brought me breakfast in bed . . . JUST BECAUSE!

Ohmyheart, I'm toast. I'm butter on toast. I'm a toasted bagel with a bit of strawberry cream cheese smeared over one half and the other half carefully pressed down so the cream cheese sort of squishes into the center hole. Plus a glass of juice. That's what I am.

Listen. You don't want this to happen to you. Stalking is NOT A LAUGHING MATTER. It hurts. It hurts everyone you love. It hurts deep like a river. Well, you know what I want to say to you, Stalker-Boy? And this comes from the bottom of my heart: You think you can Hit Me Baby One More Time? Well, don't Hold It Against Me, but You're Toxic.You Drive Me Crazy. You're A Womanizer (well, a one-womanizer). You think I'm A Slave For You? 

(Well yeah. You took me to Ireland.)

Ack! See how easy it is to fall?

Oops. I Did It Again.

*sigh* I'll never be free of this.

Learn from me, people. 


Chris said...

You're cute. My husband stalks me, too... but it's a turn-off. I tell him, "How can I miss you when you won't go AWAY?" Popped over from twitter. Your tweet was funny!

Janiel Miller said...

Hee! Thanks, Chris. Yeah, they do need to go away once in a while--just for a bit--so you can miss them. But then they need to come back and take you to Ireland, you know?

William Kendall said...

Lovely picture!

Note to self: breakfast in bed just because is a very good thing to follow through on....

Donna Banta said...

OMG, I thought I was the only one. We need to form a support group!

Janiel Miller said...

Thanks William! And you're spot-on with that note-to-self-thing. It totally works. :)

Donna - OMIGOSH! We should! There are no support groups for women with stalker-husbands who do nice things for them! Where do you suppose we could get the funding?

CMSmith said...

What an opportunity! Maybe you can get him to stalk you to Italy.

Russo said...

Too freaking cool to have your hubby take you to Ireland- I missed you while you were away, girl. BTW I freaking laughed at the britney spears reference paragraph

Maegan Langer said...

You two are so cute! And is it wrong if I find it hilarious that we now have a 'stalker' tag?

Janiel Miller said...

Thanks Maegan and Russ. I missed all y'all too.

And . . . um . . . I never thought about the "stalker" tag. Hmm. Guess we'll have to stalk ourselves and write a lot of posts about it. Maybe that spazzy T-Laut post could be filed there, yeah?

CM! You're brilliant! I never thought about getting him to stalk me to Italy! I love Italy! Ooh! And a Spa! I need to be stalked to a Spa! And an AGENT! Yeah! Maybe he could stalk me to an Agent! I'm not getting carried away, am I?

deannascanlon said...

You and Bruce are so cute together! My husband made the breakfast for me and then did the dishes? He is cute too! I think I stalk him, though, not the other way around!

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Oh I am jealous! What a fabulous stalking husband you have. I was wanting to see more pictures of Ireland--I would love to go someday. Maybe I should put that in my blog. :)

Janiel Miller said...

Grumpy Grateful - You should definitely put a trip to Ireland in your blog. In big capital letters. Then print it out and leave a copy of it on your husband's pillow. And in his car. And in the fridge. And on his desk. Subtlety is everything. :) I hope you get to go. It is gorgeous.

If you want to see more pictures, I've been posting them--along with video clips--on my personal blog for the past week (or 2). Here's the url: www.janielmiller.com.


And Deanna - Yep. Yours is cute too. A certain trip to Italy comes to mind . . .

Romina Garcia said...

My husband never stalks me.
Sometimes I have to stand in front of him naked to allow him to remember that he has a wife. Although I'm 8 months pregnant and as big as a house, he's beginning to notice me more and more lately!

Janiel Miller said...

Ah! But there is hope then. You have but to remain pregnant!

Just Another Hat said...

No stalking from my husband. He does read my blog, well at least he says he does. Although, he did mention that someday he would love to take me to Europe. (Fingers crossed). I loved your Brittany Spears references. Awesome!