Friday, July 29, 2011

Banish Your Inner Wuss

Today I did not barf on a cop.
I did not sing Welsh songs in Welsh.
I did not perform weed-brownie-inspired dances on a fireplace at a party.
I did not clog my boss' toilet.
I did not throw myself so heartily into the Race for the Cure that my chest reached the finish-line before I did.
I did not break a door and bloody a wall trying to get a Welsh moth out of my bedroom.
And I did not lose my hairpiece in front of hot gym-guy.

And I want to know why.

Why have I done none of the things that make Maegan and Russo's lives so interesting? Is it because I say "Never?" Yes! Or because my secret superhero identity, like our lovely reader Britta's, is "Worst-Case-Scenario-Girl?" Yes! Or because my stupid gnome of self-doubt, Mr. Angus Darkspume-the-gnome-of-despair, plays havoc with my confidence--mostly because I let him? Yes, yes, and YES!

Could this all come down to fear? Fear of failure, fear of looking silly, fear of being deemed an idiot? Why does it matter, hmm? If people think I'm an idiot, then there's nothing more to worry about, is there? If I can't do anything else to make it worse, I'm free. Free to hang by my knees from the towel rack and sing "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head" if I want to. Free to shock my husband at least once a week. Free to inspire my children to change their last name and pretend they don't know me. No more worrying about what other people think. No more slinking quietly away from embarrassing situations. No more being afraid to try.

Perhaps the old saying, "It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt" has it wrong. At least where being afraid is concerned. Maybe it is better to just throw it all out there, and get the whole "what if I look stupid"-thing over with. Remove all doubt that you're human and imperfect, and thereby remove all pressure.

All right folks, that's the new goal. Throw it all out there. Close your eyes and take the plunge. Then let all the stress wash away in the fall-out and enjoy the rest of your time.

Peace-out,  my people.

(And now for a shameless plug: Do you suffer from Shopping-Eyes? Find out what to do about it on Janiel Miller: Life in Bits.  See? I'm being fearless.)


Robin said...

I just got back from my very first writers conference ever. I took the all day storyboarding class - and it was wonderful. But overwhelming. The more decisions I made about my story, the more terrifying it became. I think that's because it started taking on a life of its own, and I was afraid of ruining it. Or something.

Anyway, I felt like a big wuss, sitting there in that class. I realized that writing a big project is a huge leap of faith. Every big decision is an act of confidence in the face of the creative vortex that sucks your ideas down, calls them stupid and leaves you in a fetal position in the closet.

I have to learn to ignore that and just plow on.

Janiel Miller said...

Excellent comment. And Congratulations on your first writer's conference! Writing is the best way to banish your inner wuss, because you put everything out there, and people like it or don't, and they tell you. You have to be willing to be COMPLETELY human and fallible and have peoples' opinions run all over the board. It makes you tough. It makes you learn to like what you do no matter what others think.

Go you, Rob! That is so cool. I want to hear all about it.

Shelly said...

Smiles to you!

William Kendall said...

Oh, no... now I can't get "Raindrops keep falling on my head" out of my head....

Janiel Miller said...

:) Sorry, William!

mymy said...

hmmmm, my existence also sounds boring compared to Maegan and Russo's lives! lol. but am ok with that...for now. :D

Maegan Langer said...

I hope y'all know that Russo and I, or at least I, can't take credit for all those things, as most of them were accidental! I think it's more a function of luck, or lack thereof.

Robin, what a great comment! It's true, every act of creation is an act of faith. Congratulations on your first writers' conference!

Russo said...

I like the idea of banishing the inner wuss because man, I have some tendancys to be a wuss. I know, suprising huh?! I loved this line, "Throw it all out there. Close your eyes and take the plunge. Then let all the stress wash away in the fall-out and enjoy the rest of your time." I wrote it down in my quote book.

And absolutly darling pic! You look so stylin'.