Wednesday, September 14, 2011

How NOT to wear thigh high leather boots

Do you ever just have one of those day where nothings going right? Today I went to a friend's wedding. Where most people attend an event with zero drama, I have to make a complete idjut out of myself.

The only thing that went in my favor was the fact that the bridesmaid dress was stunning. I know, rare right? Maybe you, yourself, have a horrid bridal fashion memory-I'm dying to know about it. Anyways, the dress was dark blue and beautifully long (And with my long legs a flowing skirt is a miracle. )

Anyways, back to the horrid day. I was just leaving my condo when I slipped and fell on the newly waxed floor. I completely destroyed my crocodile embossed high heels. Great, I thought, that's the second pair of shoes I've broken in one month.

So, I had to make a shoe change in less than 5 minutes. Instead of opting for a simple black shoe like a normal person I had to add some flair. Out came the thigh high leather boots. I figured they were wedding appropriate because the hem of the dress glided along the floor.

How was I to know the line of the boots showed in every picture? Not only was I mortified but I also got cussed out by the bride, who hadn't eaten anything all morning. Oh, she was livid at my sorry-butt. So, I scrambled around in my clutch to find her a granola bar and stat. She calmed down, grateful for the food. Mid her apology for her snipping comment, a bird flew over head and pooed on my hair. Everyone is watching-her mom, who has more class than the Queen, the hott guy who's my date and the bride's teacup poodle.

Somehow, I look more ridiculous than the dog who's wearing a yamaka.

Anyways, the lesson of the story? Roll with the difficult times because they might just bring the best reward ever.

Lemme give you the dirt. At the end of the night, I sat with my legs elevated in regal fainting couch. In walks my super-hott date, who declares that the country club has a vacant pool. We stroll up the little hill and while everyone celebrates the bride and groom leaving for their honeymoon, I gaze at the moon lit water. I can see super-hotties reflection. And on a day filled with drama, bird catastrophe and more, I let go of the stress. Exhale deeply and leap into the pool.


mymy said...

something interesting always happens to you! ;P

Robin said...

Boots are cool. Pools are cool, too.

~Britta~ said...

Oh man, even I am not brave enough to wear boots like that. On a similar note, I am a bridesmaid in two up-coming weddings in November. One of the dresses is fine. The other bride decided to put my blonde, extremely pale ass in a kiwi green dress. So yeah. I told her I hated it and would never wear it again...but for the wedding I will suck it up and do whatever she wants.

Maegan Langer said...

What did the bride say when she found out you drowned the dress??

FrankandMary said...

I cannot get Nancy Sinatra & These Boots are Made for Walking out of my head now. ~Mary

rumpydog said...


Ellen said...

Why aren't my days that exciting?!?!? Oh yeah, I'm old... My super-hot date became my hubby over 18 years ago. I do believe in fairy tales!

Hope all is well with you. Have a great week.

~ Ellen

William Kendall said...

That rates as an off day. Except for jumping into the pool, which, of course, is always fun.