Friday, March 30, 2012

Breaking Dawn Part 2 Guest Vlog Review!

Dudes! We are SO excited! We have finally been able to get eminent movie previewer (or to say it as she has so famously coined it: PruViewer) and social commentateress, Caytelynne, to grace our blog with one of her riveting movie PruViews. Today, guest vlogger Caytelynne will pruview "Breaking Dawn, Part 2," which I'm sure has kept all of you up nights with 'bated anticipation.

We don't need to tell you but we will, that Caytelynne is famous for having a sense for movies without actually seeing them. She has totally accurately except for the parts that weren't, pruviewed such movies as Breaking Dawn, Thor, and Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol--although the latter pruView was deemed unfit too highbrow for public consumption and has not yet been released.

Well, as the pruViewer herself would say: Without Furthera Doo we give you Breaking Dawn Part 2, pruViewed by Cayetlynne.

(Here's the Breaking Dawn 2 trailer so you can see how freakishly dead-on Caytelynne is. Mostly. Pretty much. Click Here.)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

I got kicked out of a restaurant

Apparently I have torn my meniscus, basically it's the tendon that structurally supports the knee. Let me tell you, it burns like no other. I got the stupid injury because I tripped while on a date.

On last Saturday Janiel and Maegan went to a writing conference. Me? No, I got to spend the afternoon with Dr. Look-at-you-chest. I swear this guy smelled like cinnamon and vomit.

Anyways, the afternoon stunk so my friend Jameses took me to late dinner at a fish and chip resteraunt. I can't say the name of the place because we got kicked out.

My friend Jameses had a divine day of dealing with my knee all on an empty stomach. So when the wait service took forever Jameses went postal. We sat at the restaurant for quite sometime without drinks and etc. I suggested we leave and just hit some fast food dive but no, Jameses wasn't having that.

He watched platter and platter arrive at every other table but ours. Most people would walk away but not Jameses. He eyed a platter that went to a nearby table. The meal was cooked in some tinfoil wrapping. The customer set the wrapping to the edge of the table and Jameses went to work.

Jameses leaned over to a man, who we will call Mr. Burp-N-Slurp because seriously that's how he ate, and said, "You using the foil?"

Mr. Burp-N-Slurp didn't even respond, he handed Jameses the foil and trouble ensued.

Jameses wasted not a minute and grabbed my hand sanitizer. He then smoothed out the foil and began writing with the hand sanitizer. His letters were bold and they read out, "SERVICE NOW."

He then took his lighter and lit the sanitizer on fire.

At the moment I didn't think anything of the alcohol in the sanitizer but when the words went a captivating light blue I realized I was watching a mini-fire at my table.

I started to bust a gut, tears were rolling down my eyes as Mr. Burp-N-Slurp cheered at the fire. The manager came zooming down the eisle, his brows were so furrowed they looked like a unibrow. It dawned on me, we were so getting kicked out of the restaurant and sure enough that was our fate.

It's been almost a week since Jameses sent his message to the wait staff and I still can't stop giggling. I mean, seriously, who lights hand sanitizer on fire to send a message? Only my deranged Jameses and I love him for it.

Friday, March 23, 2012


*Sigh* It's been a week, people. End of term is coming up and all of my kidlets are tweaked-out. Little Dude thinks I'm the meanest mom ever. College Kid is trying to figure out boys. In-Between People are glazed over from the stress. And Hub has been given new work responsibilities, which are good, but lots of fires to put out.

Me? I'm totally overwhelmed by the process that is Trying To Figure Out How To Get Published, in between being a mom-slash-wife-type-person. And whether or not I offer anything that people are interested in reading. And whether or not I can write at all, because when I am burned out on life in general I start thinking I can't. 

Not to mention, I found a curly brow hair the other day. Curly. Brow. I'M TOO YOUNG FOR THAT. It's ear and nose hair next. Prominent veins. A buttox that blends right into my thighs. I'm starting to channel Betty White, and I'm still in my Scarlet Johansson years! Or at least my Teri Hatcher ones.

I need something nice. And fluffy. And sweet. And kind. I thought maybe you did too.

So without further ado, I give you: Cuteness Attack! (No, I am not talking about Russo and Maegan, although I could be. I am talking about this. Watch out. It runs right toward you. You may not want to look directly into the screen.)

Awwww! I love the part when they're adorable.

And then there's this:

Don't you want one? Really bad? Even if you're not a dog-person? Kind of like I'm not. But, TA-DAHHH! Now I want Welsh Corgis (plural).

Ahhh. I'm so glad life brings out the cuteness once in a while. Stress-weeks like this beg for the warm, fuzzy antidote of little fluffballs. 

(Click below for sound effect. Go on. Click.)

Its so Fluffy I'm gonna die!

All we need to make this cozy moment complete is a cup of hot chocolate with a scoop of mint ice cream floating around in it. You go ahead. I've got mine. And all is right with the world.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

How to get through a rough day

Let's face it, some days are just not going to go the way you want when chasing a dream. In those moments, you have to dig deep. Olympic athletes have a phrase for this, it's called staying strong.

You have to be determined to grind it out, work harder than you did yesterday. My tennis coach says it best, "Focus, do not let up for a second."

He's right, on the days where you want to bang your head against the wall out of frustration. You must take a deep breath and focus on the task at hand. Sometimes the process of learning requires you to slow down and not push yourself so hard.

You can do this, you can achieve your dream but first you must stay strong, my friends.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Harry Potter, Parenting, and Corn Dogs

I have officially been banned from ever saying anything to my littlest dude about his life choices once he has grown up and moved out and gotten a place of his own which will contain an endless supply of video games and NO RULES.

Indeed, I have been informed that said dude will hire a guard to keep me from keeping him from playing ANY OLD GAME HE WANTS. Even ones where he, as the game operator, must kill people with bows and arrows and watch them slowly die in front of him. BECAUSE I AM A MEAN MOM TO NOT LET HIM DO THAT NOW.

Furthermore, when he has grown up, moved out, is on his own and has his guard installed such that I cannot prevent him from wasting his brain-cells in front of a Playstation for as long as he wants every day, he shall eat nothing but corn dogs, AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.

And, on the off chance that I suggest that his wife probably won't appreciate being married to a corn dog-swilling video-game-hypnotized couch potato, I should know that HE'S NEVER GETTING MARRIED.

Bless his fuzzy little heart.

It won't surprise you to know that my telling him that even though he can't see it now someday he will understand and thank me, did absolutely nothing in terms of getting him to back down on hiring the Mom-inator as his future bodyguard.

Me neither. I knew it as I said it. Heard the words fall bleakly from my mouth and dissolve before they ever got into his prefrontal cortex. So I looked at him for a moment, then told him he could earn a Harry Potter video game instead.

Because death-eating, child-killing, unicorn-blood-drinking, homicidal megalomaniacs without noses are much healthier for him to play with.

Thank heaven someone in my family has her priorities straight.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I tripped in front of Barnes & Noble

Challenge of the Month: Adventures in the month of March
There are many ways to make a brilliant first impression-shake someones hand firmly or wink at a hottie. Unfortunately, when you are 6'2, all legs, sometimes you can do neither of those things.

I went shopping with a dark haired man who seriously left me breathless. He took me to Toys R US on our date. No joke, we roamed the store shooting dart guns at each other and laughing until we snorted. We snuck comic books into a plastic fort and ate licorice. It was the most random date I have been on and I couldn't get enough of the bloke.

We then high tailed it to Barnes and Noble. I should've been looking at the curb but nooo, I had to glance up and smile at his insanely long hair. Before I had a second to think, I tripped over the curb. My date tried to break my fall but his efforts were useless.
My knees buckled and I all-out collapsed to the ground. As if that wasn't enough, my body somehow slide on the ice like I was gliding into first base.

The word mortified couldn't even describe my emotions. I mean, customers couldn't come out of the store because my body was blocking the entryway.
All I could do was erupt with laughter. His smile was devilish as he helped me stand up. I brushed the injury off because let's face it, I always trip but my date was an EMT. He somehow convinced the store to grab their first aid kit.
He then whisked me to a chair and rolled up my leggings to inspect the knee.

I sat there staring at the dark haired hottie while he applied antibiotics and band aids to my super-sick open wound. His fingers moved fluently and he even blew on my knee. At that moment, I couldn't stop smiling at him. I noticed the way that his tongue poked at his cheek when nervous.

He didn't make me feel like a fool. No, he kissed me on the forehead and helped me stand.
My knee stung like no other but my heart seemed free.

Yep, it's official-I adore March.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Dealing with life's little surprises

Do you ever have those weeks where life just takes you by surprise? This has been that kind of week for me, two young people from my past have died. Granted, I haven't spoken to either of them for years but their passing has really made me stop to think about life and the dreams we chase.

You realize that some people come into your life randomly. They sit a spell with you and then they are gone but that doesn't mean they didn't influence you. Losing them changes how you exist. You notice life, you see the beauty in rain and the smell of pine trees.

On this day, I sit at this computer and listen to the wind. It sounds like someone is screaming outside. My condo shakes as my cat Lux stretches out on my suitcase. I begin to think about why we chase the dreams we do.

Why do you pursue your dreams? I write about death because it can't seem to escape me. Sometimes the things we pursue help fill a need. Yes, chasing our dream can be exhausting. However, in the tough moments in life your dream can help you cope and that's a beautiful thing. Cherish your talent, my friend. You have something beautiful within you.

PS- Next week I will post a short story, so sorry for the delay.