Wednesday, July 25, 2012

I vomited on my ex-boyfriend's shoes

There are many ways to handle bumping into your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Some people brag about their lives and others try to kill them with kindness. Me? I have to vomit all over one of my ex-boyfriends.

Lemme give you the details, I just got done playing a wicked game of tennis. I played for 2 hours straight in the sweltering heat. Of course, who happens to be playing three courts down from me? My seriously hott ex who looks like Vin Diesel. I try to pretend like I don't see the bloke but my efforts are useless. He drops his racket mid serve and yells my name.

I can't look away from his intense brown eyes. They pull me in just as they did 10 years ago. My brain tells me to keep walking but of course, I don't . . . I can't. All I can do is watch his lips whisper my knick name.

By now, my 2 hour tennis game has caught up to me. I feel my stomach gurgle and my head feel dizzy. My body's begging me to sit down but of course, I don't listen. I rib my ex for his always-horrid taste in movies.

He laughs heartedly and by now, my body has shutdown. I teeter on my heels and vomit all over his shoes.

My Vin Diesel look-a-like ex widens his eyes in surprise as I collect myself. There is nothing to say at this moment. I am horrified, I can't hide in hole nor can I pretend like he doesn't exist. There is nothing to do but wait for his reaction. He busts a gut so much that tears are rolling down his cheek.

I'm trying hard to play it cool but how can you play it cool at a moment like this? My Vin Diesel look-a-like ex brushes my hair out of my face and says, "And to think, I was worried about your right hook."

Yep, life is gonna toss us some majorly ridiculous moments. The trick isn't just to endure them but to make them work for you. Laugh in the face of extreme embarrassment.


jjsundevil said...

was it z
U haffta spill

densleyjazzfan said...

Laughing my butt off. Russe goose UR half gross half funny.

William Kendall said...

Condemned to spend his life resembling the Mumbler? Poor sod. That's a fate worse than death!

Janiel Miller said...

Ohhhhh sweetie. Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie. We gonna have to work on your follow through.

Megan said...

Um, I think you win.