Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I got kicked out of a ballet studio

Life is all about being brave and conquering fears. You've probably heard your momma tell you to try new things. This is all well and good but lemme tell you, there are something’s that just shouldn't be tried. This weekend I went with my sister to a ballet class. What should've been a relaxing hour of stretching your limbs turned into an hour of chaos.

I'm 6'2 with long legs. I've never been graceful. Usually when I meet someone for the first time I make a great first impression by tripping over my own feet and collapsing to the floor. This time was no different.

I walked gingerly into the ballet studio. I was nervous as all get up to meet my teacher. The instant I meet her I scuffed my feet on the wooden floor and fell right on my butt.

The teacher gasped all dramatically about my lack of grace and said, "My dear, walking should not be a challenge."

Everything about this woman was pointy, her hips, her nose and her fingers had no soft cushions of flesh. She had a harsh attitude and worse of all; she was out to get me. She had us all line up on the bar.

I immediately pulled out my hand sanitizer and got things un-germified (If that's a word.)

She snagged my hand sanitizer and the class stretched and dipped in ways I never thought possible. I attempted to mimic these movements but I looked as graceful as a rooster in a tutu.

The more I made mistake after mistake, the more my teacher became instilled with the dream of making me graceful. If I moved the wrong way, she wacked my butt with a fly swatter. No joke, a fly swatter. Yeah, if we lived in a time period where human sacrifices where still allowed, I would have thrown this woman into the volcano pit. She was that menacing.

The more the hour went on the more I made this woman crazy. She kept plucking along and as it has it, I did walk a bit more gracefully. I became aware of my surroundings. I did a demi-dip (no, this isn't a real ballet term; I made it up to annoy her.)She half-smiled at my mediocre progress. The boney woman believed the fly swatter had gotten through to me. Bo,y was she wrong.

The last five minutes of the class I accidently ripped the ballet bar off the wall. I then tripped over the air and sprained my ankle.

I swear, I thought her head was going to inflate and explode. She turned her head and coughed all hoity-toity-like and said, "I would prefer never to see your face again."

My sister snorted out loud and laughed so hard tears rolled down her cheeks,

My eyes opened wide with her sentence as I said, "Fine by me."

We paid for the broken ballet bar and left the studio. We treked next door for some frozen yogurt. All the while, giggling at my lack of grace.

Yep, ballet is not for me but at least I tried something new, which is the message for today. Get out there and truly live, my friends. I'm rooting you on all the way!


jjsundevil said...

did you rox the tutu babygirl

densleyjazzfan said...

Mr. J texted 'bout ya and breaking the barre. laughs a plentry with you russe-goose.

Leslie S. Rose said...

I'm an eighteen year survivor of ballet. I've still got the callouses and overdeveloped thigh muscles to prove it. Ballet ain't fer wimps - hats off to you for givin' it a go. Thanks for popping by my blog.

Anonymous said...

Ballet Bloopers & Practical Jokes...only you. But at least you went for it. ~Mary

Aidyl Ewoh said...

Wow… Quite the story. =)

{And by the way, I really like what you have it say right above the comments box… I feel like putting something like that on mine. ;D}

Janiel Miller said...

:) :) :)

Probably the very best thing to happen in Ms. Boney-TuTu's life. Go you for trying something new! Especially ballet--not just a little intimidating.

Maegan Langer said...

Oh my gosh. I love this story.

William Kendall said...

Oh, too good!

Somehow I doubt Ms Tu-tu is pleasant to be around any time. Something about a ballerina instructor suggests Perma-Cranky mode.