What happens when a computer breaks

Adios 2010

How crazy is it that in the last month of 2010, my trashy computer has painfully died. Check out the top screen that can flail back and forth. Oh, I am sad to see this sucker croak.


My computer has been crapped on by a cow and run over by my Niece's tri-cycle. We've been through the best and worst times. Farewell, my crap-tastic computer.

How to survive the holidays

-A pic of my 'rents dog, Beauty. How stinking cute is she? I love my little Hun-Bun.

Do you not love the psychedelic wall paper in the background? So, if you're like me, the Holidays can be beautiful and a tad stressful. I'm learning the trick is to push through the stress and enjoy the moment.

And if you have a crazy family, then, hey, at least you can enjoy the food.

Guest blogger announcment

I am so excited to tell you that we will be having our very first guest blogger. The extraordinary Robin Edmundson is an artisan weaver/dyer and has lived a life of creativity.

Tune in Friday to see what wisdom she has for us all-can't wait!

How to sleep better

This weekend I had a sleepover at my niece's house. Truth to tell, I can conk out anywhere. Sleep is my superhero power. I have been known to snooze for seventeen hours at a time. No joke.

On, Friday at 2am, I found myself restless. My sister's house has large windows, so shadows spilled everywhere. And a large banging noise was keeping me up.

When I turned on the light, I saw a surprise. A pair of paws under the bathroom door.

How cute is that? The banging was my sister's kitty-cat named Fred. He had been trapped, by accident, in the bathroom. Poor lil guy. I'm sure he's now traumatized but he's safe.

This weekend, I made ginger bread houses with my niece. This is our finished product. And low and behold, lil Bebe, my cat has bitten off half of the icing on the roof and the icing door is now gone.

That dang sugar addicted feline.

Learn from my random weekend-Sleep is everything to a dream chaser. Cosmo magazine said, "The next time you feel stuck, go to bed. Sleep inspires creativity and helps your brain sort things out so you can make a decision."

Surprise Gnome Slayer on the way . . .

Check back Friday for our first Guest Poster! (Since the last one.)

Walking in a Winter Wonder Whaaa?

December Challenge: Holiday Adventures

I love the Holidays, enough to bake gingerbread houses and apple-N-sausage stuffing. I go housewife wild but then there's the edgy/spicy side of myself that I have to be careful about-
I get horribly impatient while shopping.

Two years ago on black Friday, I got into a nasty scuffle at Wal-Mart. Okay, here's the dirt, so I moved some ladies cart from the middle of the aisle. For some reason that warranted her to go all postal on me. No joke, she come storming up to me and yelled, "Who said you could move my cart? You could 've gone around."

I stared at the booger hanging out of her nose and said, "I'm sorry but there are screw's in my foot holding my bone together. There's no way I'm walking around your cart."

She then called me a string of nasty names. Hunky Handy man stared at me warily, waiting to see my short fuse erupt. And sure enough, I got in her face and said, "I'm gonna tear your throat out."

This year, I had a much better reaction during a tense situation. Today, I saw an old friend at Wal-Mart. She looked stunning, even in grubby clothes. We chit-chatted about random stuff.

Then the old friend said, "I heard you're still at the same job. Funny, I thought your book would've been made into a movie by now."

The old me would've said a witchy comment back but instead I politely responded, "Not everything works out in the time frame that you want."

Who would've thought that this Holiday season would show me that growth is possible, even with stubborn lil me.

Happy Turkey Day

The gnome slayers would like to take the time to thank every single person who has embraced this blog.

Your witty comments and support has meant the world while we took this scary leap of faith into the blogging world.

We are indeed touched and hope that you have a Happy and joyful Thanksgiving.

How to rescue a stray cat

What an eventful pre-Thanksgiving weekend. I adore the snow but my body loathes it. I mean, seriously, how many times must I slip on ice?

The following pic is proof of a stupid weekend. Okay, so, ignore the paper pumpkin because its darling. My sister made it for lil ol' moi. The real culprit is the Fruit Loop necklace that I made with niece.

No joke, I left the sucker on the table and conked out for the night. Woke up from my menthol induced sleep and what do I see? My super-duper sized cat, BeBe munching on the Fruit Loops. And cats and Fruit Loops don't mix, if you catch my drift. Yuck.

Fast forward 12 hours and me and hunky handyman are in a dumpster of trash. All to save this lil Kittie who was meowing loudly. The poor lil stray had broken her leg.

I'm happy to report the stray cat is healing nicely. Me, well, I stink like garbage.

Dinner with Russo

A little known fact about moi- I can never resist a dare. So when Hunky Handyman triple-dog- dared-me to eat a mini octopus you better believe I tried. I used my fork to paw at the tentacles. I even cut the brain of the octopus in half to see the insides. (My grandfather was a Doctor so you better believe I have a dash of a scientist in me.)

Did I succeed? That would be a definite no. I bit off one chuck of the brains and nearly vomited.

So, instead, I gave the slimy wonder to my two cats, BeBe and Lux.

I loved this pic of the two-I dropped the camera mid-shot, so, they look like little ghosts.

On Gratitude

Photo by Raja Ramchandra

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice.  ~Meister Eckhart


God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today.  Have you used one to say "thank you?"  ~William A. Ward


The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts.  No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.  ~H.U. Westermayer


Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.  ~G.B. Stern


There is no such thing as gratitude unexpressed.  If it is unexpressed, it is plain, old-fashioned ingratitude.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com


Gratitude is the memory of the heart.  ~Jean Baptiste Massieu, translated from French

A little treat for you

Sara B. Larson, writer extraordinaire, is having a major giveaway on her blog. All to celebrate her achievement of 200 followers. (The gnome slayers say: Congrats!)

You can pick the prize: book, gift card to Barnes and Noble or Amazon and chocolate or a 10 page critique of your manuscript.

If you haven't checked out her blog, do so now. http://http://sarablarson.blogspot.com

Sara has style, class and has also acquired a writing agent. The girl has mad-skill!

Check out her blog.

Gratitude

November Challenge: Things we are glad that we have

Care for a lil dinner in a pumpkin? This pic below is my Halloween creation. Yummy.

For some odd reason, when the Holiday season comes around I morph into a 1940's house wife. And no, you may not see a pic of me in my frilly apron. I have my dignity.

On to my list of what I am grateful for-

*Even though I sliced off a huge chuck of my skin with a paring knife, I am grateful that I did not reach an artery.

*I am lucky that my Piece Of Crap car still runs, even though hunky handyman nearly ran over my toe when doing an oil change.

*Being sick is a blessing because hey, at least I can crack people up with my Fran Drescher sounding voice.

*Sure, God gave me some wacked-out hair but at least I don't have lice. Trust me, been there, done that twice.

Last but not least, I may not be where I imagined when I was twelve but I am alive and mostly-happy. And that's what matters most.

On Halloween

From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggedy beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us!

Scottish Saying - Probably inspired by Darkspume, Gnome of Despair

'Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world.
William Shakespeare


I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
Author Unknown

Shadows of a thousand years
Rise again unseen,
Voices whisper in the trees
'Tonight is Halloween!'
Dexter Kozen

Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.
Edgar Allan Poe
The Raven.

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
Erma Bombeck

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
George Carlin

Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.
Steve Almond


I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion.
Henry David Thoreau

Awful Fabulous Opening Sentences

Hello Gnomeslayers of the world!  Today we add a new feature to our blog, titled: "Awful Fabulous". It will appear occasionally and unpredictably when I, or the other two, or all three of us, are sleeping off a Little Debbie's-filled weekend and are too tired to write anything else. Or when we are feeling glib. Today "Awful Fabulous" is my gift to you. Lists of things - you might even call them writing prompts, if you are feeling generous - that you are free to use in your own writing.
You're welcome.


This month's list is called (dun dun dun!):
Awful Fabulous Opening Sentences! Please partake freely.

1. "I knew she was going to dump me when I kissed her and tasted the onions she'd put on her burger at lunch. I'm allergic to onions."
2. "He was the kind of guy who never asked for directions and never got lost. Except when he did. Which was all the time."
3. "She was long and lean and filled my doorway in much the same manner as a long and lean woman would if she were standing there filling it."
4. Eleanor's children were her life. Mostly because she fed off of them regularly.
5. The sun rose in a bloody red smear like when you fall off your bike and road-rash your knee but you're too busy to go in and have your mom put hydrogen peroxide on it, and besides, that stuff stings like heck, and so the blood just runs down your leg and dries there. Like that.
6. "I love you," he said. "I'll love you forever." To which she replied, "And I'll love you forever. Or until after your funeral. Whichever comes first." That's when he knew he should have made her sign the prenup.
7. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. No, it was the best of times. Actually, no it was the worst of times. No wait! The be . . . .the wor  . . . It was the . . . Four score and seven years . . . Call me Ishmae . . . Ernie.
8. He was dead. She knew he was dead because of the way he lay there moaning, "I'm dead! I'm dead!"

There you have it, dear writers. Use at will.

With love,

The Indespensable Gnomeslayers

No Way did THAT Just Happen

Challenge of the Month: Paranormal Experience


It's no secret for me to tell you that I can be a self destructive person. True, I have gotten better with age. In my late twenties, I have been able to make peace with myself. I have learned that life is fragile and can be taken from you at any time.

Halloween is a Holiday that centers around everything morbid-ghosts, death, etc. Sure, there is candy galore and so much more. Somehow, the death part is always personal to me.

A long while back, there was a two year period that I prayed for my death every day. Oh, dear reader, I really hate admitting that secret out loud to you but its the truth. Sounds selfish but I loathed what cards life had dealt me.

On a Halloween night, the weather was more like Christmas than Fall. Snow laid everywhere as a gaggle of my friends and I trudged into a physic shop. The scenery was exactly what you'd expect when in a fortune teller's abode (crystal ball, gypsy-like tapestries and everything Gothic)

The fortune teller went through all of my friends promising the usual-love, babies and happiness. I seriously was not listening to any of the drivel the crazy-lady said to my friends.

Not until, she stared me down and said, "You're at a dead end."

I rudely responded, 'Excuse me?" (Yeah, I'll admit, I was beeyotch back then)

Anyways, crazy-lady continued, "Change your life choices or your journey will end. Keep praying for death and you will perish before your time."

Those words still haunt me. I wonder, how in the world did crazy-lady know my inner secret? I had not told a soul. Many years have since passed since that freaky night of poignant wisdom. Death has not found me yet. Sure, he has taken someone very dear to me but that's beside the point.

I do not wish to die, at least not yet. And I have dear crazy-lady to thank for waking me from my slumber in the month of Halloween.

Gnome Slayers Rock

I am a lucky girl. I have two of the most incredible, jaw-dropping writers that I get to call dear friends. This past month has been draining both physically and emotionally. I have had to deal with health issues and my personal life is like a pane of glass that has shattered. All the while, I am staring at the pieces of my life, wondering, "Is this worth putting back together again?"

My fellow gnome-slayers have been by my side completely.

I wonder, is there more people out there like me? Those that cannot handle vulnerability. If you are one of them, take a minute and listen. Do not put walls up around your heart because eventually, you, yourself, will have to tear them down.

Through the gnome slayers, I have learned to allow people into my life. Knowing my writer-friends has been the best blessing I could have ever been given.

Now, if they can help me with my cuss mouth I'd be peachy keen. I'll admit, I can make a sailor blush with my wicked vocabulary.

Rogue Roosters and Vagrant Vermin

So there was this cocky little rooster - you know the type: auburn feathers with a cape of metallic blue-green, resplendent tail, and a strut that said, "Chicks. The line forms here." He wouldn't have bothered me except that he took up residence in the middle of the street that leads to MY street. And it's a busy intersection. Dude was there every day, stopping traffic, impressing local birds, moseying around like he'd brought about world-peace.

I called the cops on him.

His standing there posing for a photo-op nearly made me rear-end the 4x4 in front of me. And honking did nothing. He glared balefully at us human-work-slaves and then slowly, sl-owww-ly, sauntered over to the side, acting like he just went there because he saw breakfast. He was a menace, and I turned him in. But by the time the police got there with their little rooster nets--He was gone.

I haven't seen him since.

I think he's probably hanging out with the mice I've been hearing under my cupboards lately. They keep eluding my peanut-butter traps. And the ultrasonic pest repellers don't do anything but give them a good beat to dance to.

Oh, the mice are taunting me. I killed ten of their kind a few months ago simply by putting traps under my sink. Took them all out in under an hour. Thought I'd won. But they've been biding their time. Mocking me. Scratching beneath the floors when I am in my office below, knowing that I know they aren't falling for the traps and I can't do anything about it.  I think it's the rooster's fault. He's in there with them. And he's getting back at me.

 I wouldn't mind so much,  except that I believe the mice and the rooster have been influencing my socks. Only half of them are coming out of the dryer each day. That's right: one from each pair. Just . . . gone.  Got a whole drawer full of useless half-pairs. I'm pretty sure they're hanging out under my cupboards. Having a party with the mice. Overseen by the rooster. Trying to slowly drive me crazy. But it won't work. I've got a rotisserie-pellet-gun-sock-stretcher, and I'm ripping up floor boards.

Those dirt-bags are going down.

Two Quotes To Not Die By. Plus One More.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure"
--Dan Quayle

Question: "If you could live forever, would you and why?"
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
--Miss Alabama, 1994 Miss Universe Pageant

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
--Yogi Berra

I could have said any of these things. Which is why I know I am supposed to write a book.

Something to help you on your journey

My weakness with my dream of writing is that I don't think I have the ability. Sure, my will is stronger than a bull but is that enough? I hear that I have a voice in my writing but I do not see what they see.

I have my dear friends who inspired me to take this leap of faith-you know who you are. Not to mention my fellow gnome slayers, a critique group, and a teacher/lifesaver who yanks me outta my comfort zone, thank heavens for that. I could not ask for anything better.

Whatever it is that you as a dreamer desire, look around your sphere of influence. You may have more at your fingertips than you realize.


*Thank you, Maegan for help with the grammar-I learned new things 'cuz of you.

The benefits of cinnamon gum

 I just learned this week that I chew 149 sticks of gum a week. That's about 21 a day. And that's also leaving out the 2 packs of Bubblicious . I'll admit, I have a gum addiction -what's your addiction?

Are We There Yet?

September Challenge: Worst. Trip. Ever.

My worst vacation experience would have to be Las Vegas. And don't get me wrong, I adore that city. Two years ago, I went with mom and two brothers. Because nothing says, "we're tight as a family" like standing under a poster of scantily clad dancer.

In the evening, on our way to Blue Man Group, my mom decided we should take the bus from the Luxor to the Venetian. The problem was we got on the wrong bus. The bright lights of the strip faded from view. We began to head southward, down past the freeway. My mom demanded that the driver stop the vehicle. And surprisingly, the bus driver listened. He dropped us off in the middle of the intersection on the freeway.

I immediately knew trouble lay ahead as adrenaline became my best friend. We hustled across the street and darted into an under pass. Which was the residence of a ton of homeless people. There were no streetlights, my mom and I were cloaked in darkness. Cars were screeching above us and used needles for substance abuse poked at our sneakers.

My mom's eyes widened as she saw the make-shift cardboard homes. She grabbed a rock and turned into this momma-bear 'cuz no ones gonna mess with her and the cub.

I, however, was more nervous for her than for me. I've spent a night on skid row, so a few freeway underpasses were a breeze. Skid Row-I'm not talking about the band.

Anyway, some man, offered my mom a 'cabbie' and she eagerly jumped at a cab ride. I grabbed her arm and said, "Cabbie's slang for something you don't want. Keep moving, don't look down. Just move."

We arrived at the Venetian safely. To this day, I know we both were lucky not to end up like the CSI victims.

P.S. Kudos to Janiel for figuring out the title of this month's challenge. And double kudos to both Maegan and Janiel for the help with my post.

Rainy days with Russo

While I was out shopping, I saw a double rainbow. A sign of good things to come. Too bad, that seconds later, I knocked over yet another display with my freaking-big purse.

U.S Army Ranger

According to the U.S. Army website, a Ranger is a highly trained soldier. A Ranger's specialized skills enable him to be employed in the most dire of situations. You wanna make your dream happen? You gotta fight like a Ranger. The road to your dream will be exhausting. You need people at your side to support you. In training, a Ranger is told to always look after your buddy. Find your support system. There's gonna be pain and self doubt when pursuing a goal. You've gotta push through the exhaustion. At Ranger school, there are days when the soldier will get only 3 hours of rest. Sometimes their bodies and mind are pushed so hard, they fall asleep while standing up. Ranger's call that 'droning.' There's no droning when fighting for your dream. When in the battlefield, not giving up is a matter of life and death. You cannot worry about tomorrow. If you do, you won't make it. Just focus on today. Work hard, like a Ranger.

3 cheers for Melissa

Our dear writing friend, Melissa Hernandez Seron Richardson has been entered into a photo contest~ We are so excited for her as this pic is the shiz nit.

Go vote for her 'cuz in Melissa's words, "Discovery Gateway brings joy to kids of all ages."

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=147879665222844

How poker skills help you acheive your dreams

When writing, we are spending our life and energy on a gamble. We're essentially gambling on ourselves. Every day I wonder, will I succeed or won't I? And the fact of the matter is, you can't listen to the random (negative) musings of the mind. To succeed, you have to go all in. You can't hold anything back-the pain, money, swollen fingers, tears. As a dreamer, you have to believe you are worth it. You have to go all in on your goal. If you don't take yourself seriously as a champion, who will? Go all in. ~Make it or Break it~

So This is Writing a Novel

August Challenge: Writing a novel

Ten years ago, I saw myself as a fashion buyer. Shopping for a living? In my mind, there couldn't be a better career. First step was my internship with Disney. I nailed my interview. A summer in Florida, so there.

But then life happened. I fell in a hole while hiking with my sister and snapped my foot in half. My brother joked that if you touched even an inch of the skin my foot would jiggle like jello.

So began my road to writing. Although, I didn't see the path forming yet.

I had to have a metal screw placed in my foot to hold the bones together. Nine months later, I had yet another surgury. This time on a hernia.

I wish I could say that I handled the trials well. But I didn't. I fell into a heavy depression. The one thing that saved me was writing. What's so funny is that I am the girl that always fell asleep in English class. But now, words are my lifesaver.

Most days, I am content to sit at the computer and edit my story to Death. The journey more often than not is a joy to me. Oh, who the world am I kidding? Lately, I have been peeved at my story. To the point where I just stare at the closed laptop. I know where the plot is going, I see it like a movie in my head. But lately I have been too riddled with fear to care.

Yes, I realize that my voice is a gift. One that I don't take lightly. I know that my manuscript will one day be on a bookshelf--right next to Janiel's and Maegan's novel. Okay, maybe not right next because paranormal romance is in its own wacked-out section of the book store.

When that day happens, I understand that I will need to give back and big-time. Because writing saved my life. Literally.

How writing is comparable to being a doctor, lawyer or scientist

A lil wisdom from my momma

For the past few weeks I've had a knock down, drag-out time getting my toukus to the computer for some time to write. I'm frustrated at my story and this process called writing.

I thought I would share my mom's words for me because she's a genius.

"Regarding the dream you are pursuing with writing. Well, my dear, you could not have chosen a more difficult dream to pursue. Writing is one of the most challenging paths you could take as I believe it is right up there with MD, Lawyer and Scientist. Why? Because no matter how hard you study, prepare, review and edit-the outcome is unknown.

Why do they call it practicing Medicine or Practicing Law? Or even Scientists must experiment for the perfect outcome and we still haven't found a cure for the common cold. Writing is a fickle profession as some great books don't catch on and some very stupid ones become best sellers.

And not everyone is baring their soul to critics and editors-begging for a chance to have their manuscript read. Your strengths will get you to where you need to be. You cannot hide your gift or live in fear of what may happen."

Well said, Momma-cita. Time to get over myself, as my dear writing teacher so said, and get to work.

Guest Blogger Alert!

While our lovely Maegan is away on a trip to Wales that we are not jealous of, Lizz Miller, newly launched-into-life daughter of Me, will fill in. Lizz will post on July 26th, August 9th, and August 16th.  (Maegan will post from across the pond on August 2nd, for our Challenge of the Month.) This is Lizz's first foray into the blogosphere and we are happy to have her. Be nice.

"Never, never, never, never give up."

Sir Winston Churchill once described himself as having a "speech impediment" which he worked hard to overcome. After many years he finally stated, "My impediment is no hindrance."


The only way to fail at anything is by giving up.

Revenge-is it a smart choice?

Don't try this at home.

Revenge and I aren't a pair. And that's not to say I haven't tried to get even. No, I've once tried, I've just never succeeded. My angst started with a fireman. Oh, this guy was the shiznit but then again, isn't any fireman? Dude and I had a steamy connection. Blah, blah, you've heard the story before. Puppy love is good but goes sour quite rapidly. Anyways, on the day of revenge, I decided to key his car. Yeah, not the brightest idea. But then again, when am I bright in matters of the heart? Especially when heartbroken. So, on the night where I swear Zeus decided to have a free-for-all with weather, I am hunkered down next to the Fireman's divine Camaro. I'm barefoot (don't ask.) Little did I know, I plopped my foot into a swarming pile of ants. I had the key aimed and ready to strike his car. And the lil bugs decided to take a journey up my leg. Sure, I felt the tickling but I was so hyped up on the adrenaline , I didn't care. Needless to say, fireman's car remained intact. Me, well, not so much. Not only did I dance around like an idjut when I caught onto the ants but I also keyed my neck in the process. Looking back, I think Karma was sending me a direct message. When you choose to harm others, you'll get back what you sow ten-fold. Lesson learned-revenge and Russo do NOT mix. PS~ Please note I have officially retired my evil-doing ways. PPS~ Did you see the 3 alarm fire on the news this morning? Yeah, I was in that apartment complex for the night. No joke, freaking scary stuff.

Russo Incognito

Dear Readers:

In case you haven't noticed, our beloved Russo likes to write incognito. But Maegan and I want to be cognito. Since we can't get Russo to post a picture of herself, and since we want our blog to be consistent, it has been decided that Maegan and I shall post our own pictures of Russo. We really feel that you need to have some sort of mental picture as you read her posts. And just as Russo possesses a many-faceted personality, we shall present many faceted pictures. And hopefully by the end of all of this you'll be able to cobble together a relatively correct visual of her. Here's my first representation. Ladies and gentlemen, voilá Russo:

Delving into the Ungnown - Russo

July Challenge: Starting a Blog

Karma . . . or lack thereof. If you are blessed with the sucker then you are lucky. Truth is I have lousy karma.

Who I am now is NOT who I was ten years ago. I have been told I am nice. And I even heard the word endearing once. Oh, if they only knew.

I'm the girl who once told my roomate to cry in the bathroom
when she had a breakdown. The nerves in my hand are not
linked to my brain because seriously, if provoked I will punch you.

When talking about my life experiences, I often say, "Once upon a time." Frankly, I feel like my life has been split into two books. The heroine-yeah, that's me- has freaking brawled her way through life.

But not anymore, every two weeks I attend a support group.
I've also taken up athletics (instead of hitting people.)

The gnome that I am staring down is myself. And I have a LOT of
work to do if I am going to make up for my wrong deeds.

Time to get writing.

Things you must not do with fireworks

This is how the ghetto celebrates the 4th of July~
Light firework after firework and pray that you don't get scorched.

Dinner at my sisters home. Yeah, we weren't able to finish chow time as the sprinklers were set to timer. For the reason of tact, I won't show a pic of lil ol' me drenched.